Santa vs. Jack Bauer

Disco Still Sucks.

Today marks the 32nd anniversary of the release of Saturday Night Fever - the official movie of Disco. Thankfully, disco went away and rock survived.

Check out the trailer for the film here...

Muppets + Queen = AWESOME

Ken Ober - R.I.P.

I'm crushed... the host of the greatest game show in television history has died.

No, not Bob Barker, Monty Hall, or Bob Eubanks. Not even Bert Convy, Peter Tomarkin, Richard Dawson, or even Tom Woolery.

I'm talking about the Quizmaster of 72 Whooping Cough Lane... Ken Ober. Host for all five seasons of MTV's first original non-musical program... the game show "Remote Control."

If you don't remember Remote Control or never saw an episode, I've got a full one for you below in two parts. Enjoy. We'll miss you Ken.

The ULTIMATE Snack Stadium

This... Is... AWESOME.

Not sure when I'll have the occasion to build one of these, but next time I host a football gathering at my place you'll definitely see one on my table.

Check out the instructions on how to build your own here.

40th Anniversary of Sesame Street

Sesame Street rocks. Their first episode aired 40 years ago today, so here are some classic moments that bring back tons of childhood memories...

Packers Fans... WTF?

Ok. Seriously. I know you love the Packers. And I know you're upset because...

A) Brett Favre is playing for the Vikings now.
B) Brett Favre and his Vikings kicked the crap out of the Packers last week.
C) Aaron Rodgers is getting sacked more often than he's completing passes.
D) You're probably going to finish third in the division behind the Bears and Vikings.

But you really need to CALM THE F*#K DOWN! It's just football. It's a game. You're going to have good seasons... and bad seasons... and a lot of mediocre seasons in between. There's no reason to STAB A VIKINGS FAN over it. No matter how much Vikings fans piss us all off sometimes.

Remember... You had plenty of bad seasons even when Favre was still playing for the Pack. And there was a LONG stretch in the 80's when the Packers plain out sucked. You'll get through it. Things will get better. At least you're not a Lions fan.

There's no reason to be a drunken idiot and stab someone. Let us Bears fans be the dicks of the NFC North. We've had plenty of practice, and usually no one gets stabbed over it.

Theme Thursday: Cover Songs

Spin Magazine recently posted their list for the 50 Greatest Cover Songs. It's Spin, so there's a lot of trendy hipster stuff on there, but still a good list overall.

Check it out here.

That inspired me to have an hour of just cover songs for the Noon Lunch Whistle. Make your suggestions here...

Guitar Hero Van Halen Trailer

Just another reason that I should buy a video game system... I'm dying to play this one...

Protect Insurance Executives!!

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

Didja see da turdy pointer??

From novelty song to real life... Wayne Schumacher of Fond du Lac, WI actually killed a Thirty Point Buck!

Check out the full story here from the Fond du Lac Reporter...

Oh ya hey. Dat's a purty buck ya got dere.

Kitten Mittens

I can't get enough of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia on FX. Season premiere was last night, and while the new episode wasn't one of their best, I'm definitely looking forward to this season... if only for the following moment:

RIP Swayze

Sure, Patrick Swayze was in a bunch of B-level movies like Road House and Point Break. But those movies are still pretty entertaining. Even if we had to deal with crap like Ghost and Dirty Dancing.

But most importantly, Patrick Swayze gave us the following sketch from Saturday Night Live. Still one of the funniest ever.

One More Chicken vs. Dokken ad...

Love this stuff.

More Chicken vs. Dokken!

Protect Your Chicken From Dokken

That's right. "Protect your chicken from Dokken."

It's the tag line from the new Norton Antivirus security software commercial. And it's hilarious.

It takes big balls to play soccer with your car...

Check out this clip from BBC's "Top Gear" where they play soccer using cars... pretty entertaining.

Rainbows? Must be a Government Conspiracy...

OK, so maybe I paid more attention in science class than some people. And I used to watch "3-2-1 Contact" on PBS as a kid, which taught me some stuff. But I'm pretty sure rainbows are caused when water droplets (rain, mist, water from a hose or sprinkler) refract sunlight, causing a prism effect.

I also vividly recall being able to create a small rainbow effect with the spray from our garden hose when I was a kid in the early 80's. And as far as I know, my parents weren't dosing me with LSD at the time.

Of course, this lady thinks that rainbows like that didn't exist 20 years ago. So obviously it must be a government conspiracy to put some goofy chemicals in our water, and stuff that's oozing up through our ground. Now that's a special kind of crazy.



And by the way, if you're dumb enough to start buying into her nutbag theories... here's how rainbows actually work: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow

Bikini Cinema... Brilliant!

Bikini Cinema... girls in bikinis reading lines from movies. I'm hooked.

When Celebs Go Nuts: Buddy Rich

Legendary drummer and big band leader Buddy Rich was notoriously hard on his band and would berate them mercilessly on the tour bus. And of course someone in the band decided to run a tape recorder while he was ranting...

WARNING: Very bad language...

When Celebs Go Nuts: Lily Tomlin & David O. Russell (Part 2)

Oh... it keeps going. This clip makes Lily Tomlin look really unreasonable, but paired with the previous "When Celebs Go Nuts" entry, it makes a lot more sense.

Be sure to check out Dustin Hoffman ineffectually trying to defuse the situation.

WARNING: inappropriate language.

When Celebs Go Nuts: Lily Tomlin & David O. Russell

Here's another one that cracks me up. Apparently director David O. Russel is a pain in the ass to work with. He allegedly got into a fistfight with George Clooney on the set of Three Kings, and clearly had some issues with Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabees.

WARNING: inappropriate language.

Fun Phallus Facts

Men's Health magazine offers a list of 15 facts you didn't know about your unit. Here are several of them .... including my comments in italics.

1. Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimeter. Erections are all about good bloodflow, and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So even if you don't care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the little guy.

-- Another reason to be thankful for Wisconsin's statewide smoking ban!

2. Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters, which would be enough to tarp every Major League infield with human flesh.

-- So disturbing. Not the idea of having burned skin replaced with foreskin... the thought of seeing the grounds crew unroll a huge tarp of foreskin every time it rains at Wrigley Field.

3. The average male orgasm lasts six seconds. Women get 23 seconds. (Which means if women were really interested in equality, they'd make sure guys had four orgasms for every one of theirs.)

-- Of course, a lot of women would be happy to get one orgasm for every four that a guy has, so I suppose that evens things out.

4. Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure.

-- I am not that one man.

5. There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn't get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).

-- I was in the pool! There was shrinkage! It's a grower!!

6. An international Men's Health survey reports that 79 percent of men have growers, 21 percent have showers.

-- So the statistics are in your favor when you tell her that it gets bigger than this... really, it does.

7. German researchers say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes, 50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes, 30 seconds.

-- So it feels longer than it is? Bonus!

8. Better-looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers showed women photos of guys who had good, average, and lousy sperm-and told them to pick the handsomest men. The women chose the best sperm producers most often.

-- Ladies - that means ugly guys are less likely to get you pregnant! Remember that next time we awkwardly hit on you at a bar.

Source: Menshealth.com

Super Troopers meets Superbad?

Between the drunk cop cruising around and pulling over drivers who weren't doing anything wrong... plus that the cop's name was MacCubbin (which sounds an awful lot like McLovin)... this just seems like someone combined the movies Super Troopers and Superbad.

I'll assume the story is true and that the reporter didn't just get stoned, watch a couple of movies over the weekend, and get confused.

Get the full story here.

When Celebs Go Nuts: Christian Bale

I've always been fascinated when famous people drop the pretense and act like the a-holes they really are.

Admittedly, the people they're yelling at sometimes deserve it. But it's still nice to see that even celebrities can get really pissed off too.

So, in case you haven't heard it enough...

WARNING: inappropriate language.

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland

I've been sorely disappointed by the last few Tim Burton movies (especially his remakes of Planet of the Apes and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). So when I heard Burton was remaking Alice in Wonderland, I was skeptical.

On one hand it seems like the perfect Burton material. On the other hand there's the recent track record of bad remakes (see above).

But two things have me back in line to see the new Alice. One is the teaser trailer. See it here : http://www.hitfix.com/articles/2009-7-23-comic-con-tim-burton-talks-alic...

The other (more important) thing that's got me ready to see the movie is the casting of Mia Wasikowska as Alice. Mia was previously on the HBO series In Treatment as a teenage gymnast with some major issues. Her performance was one of the best I've ever seen from a young actress. She definitely has a bright future in front of her, and hopefully she can bring some of that depth to the character of Alice... something more than the simple girl who's just observing all the oddness of Wonderland.

Y'know back in my day...

OK, this is really depressing...

Wired has come out with a list of 100 things that you and I may remember, but kids today don't use or even know about.

http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2009/07/100-things-your-kids-may-never-know-about/

I feel old.

But this article written by a 13-year-old kid who was given his dad's old Walkman is even more depressing: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/8117619.stm

Damned kids and their newfangled toys. Back in my day I had to press real buttons that ran mechanical gears to pull a piece of magnetic tape from one reel to another in order to hear music. And it could only be a dozen songs or so, and you had to flip the tape over to hear the other half of the songs. And if I didn't like the song that was playing, I had to hold down the fast forward button until the tape got to the next song... and hopefully I wouldn't hold it down too long and end up missing the beginning and having to rewind a bit back.

Screw you and your shuffle button.

Hey, what's this white powder on my Rocky Road?

My Three Songs today:
1. Judas Priest - Breakin' the Law
2. Eric Clapton - Cocaine
3. Van Halen - Ice Cream Man

The theme: This guy, who begged to get an ice cream vendors license from the Green Bay city council, only to get busted for selling cocaine two days later.

Crocs Going Extinct? I Hope So.

Crocs... those ugly damned rubber shoe-like things... are on the verge of going broke. Yes, they've sold over 100,000,000 pairs since 2002, but that doesn't make them good. Frankly I hope they aren't able to pay off their debts by the September deadline so I never have to see another pair again.

Seriously, look at them. They're rubber freaking clown shoes.

I understand that they may have their use. Wearing them around the garden. Maybe as shower shoes for the college dorm. Letting your little kids wear them to the community pool. Fine.

But I see people wearing these stupid things all over in public. The mall, nice restaurants, even church. The way I see it, Crocs are like Bunny Slippers... fine to wear around the house, but I never want to see them elsewhere.

Hopefully very soon, I won't have to.

For the full story on Crocs' financial woes, click here...

Happy Birthday Phoebe Cates!

It's Phoebe Cates' birthday today... just another reason to fantasize about her red bikini scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Just make sure to lock the bathroom door.

Gunga galunga... gunga la gunga

So the Rick & Len Small Town Golf Outing is tomorrow at Mid Vallee Golf Course in De Pere. I'm definitely looking forward to raising money for the American Red Cross, and getting a little golf in too (just bought a new golf bag and putter yesterday).

So to get warmed up... how about some Caddyshack clips?

Swine Flu Publicity

I've been featured in the Post-Crescent for having H1N1 virus...

Check out the article here: http://www.postcrescent.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2009907090554

The Swine Flu Chronicles

Mmmmm... Swine flu... And I got it.

Yep. That's right. I, Elwood, had a confirmed case of the H1N1 virus, more commonly known as "swine flu." And wow did it suck.

I started feeling a little under the weather on my last night in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, last Saturday. At first I thought I had just gotten too much sun. But after a night of fighting off chills, a miserable day of travel back to Wisconsin, and a long night in my own bed fighting what was clearly now a bad fever... I knew I was really sick.

After a doctor's visit Monday and three days of waiting around the house, I got the call from the Appleton Health Department: "You've tested positive for H1N1."

Let me say this: I was a huge Swine Flu skeptic. I'd been saying for weeks that the panic over swine flu was overblown and that I was as scared of swine flu as I was of bird flu and monkey pox... which is to say, not at all.

One week later, let me say this: Swine flu will kick your ass. Massive fever and headache. Zero appetite. Bad cough. Exhaustion like you would not believe. Five days of movement from the bed to the couch... then back to bed. That's it. Miserable.

On the other hand, if you're looking for a diet that'll drop 10 pounds in a week without doing any exercise (or moving at all, really), I'd be happy to come over and cough on you.

Thankfully, I'm no longer contagious, feel a lot better, and am finally getting my appetite back. So I'm back to work, ready to rock.

Be sure to wash your hands.

Damn Right, Boggs!

Wade Boggs doesn't want steroid users in the baseball Hall of Fame. Right on, Wade!

But did he catch anything?

An Oregon man who was reported missing by his wife has turned up...

He and his wife had a fight in which she told him if he didn't like things, he could just leave. So he did.

For a week.

Fishing.

No big deal, except for the fact that he didn't tell anyone (especially his wife) where he was going, and police from three counties got involved in what became a missing persons case.

Check out the full story from The Oregonian here.

No word on whether he caught anything other than hell from his wife.

The Six Degrees of DVD Project

I've started a task for myself, in which I will watch every DVD in my collection. Not in some random order. Not even alphabetical or chronological order. Instead, I'll watch them in such an order that each film must be connected to the one that follows it by sharing an actor or director.

For example: If I watch Schindler's List, I could follow it up with Close Encounters of the Third Kind, because both were directed by Stephen Spielberg. I could then follow Close Encounters with What About Bob? since both star Richard Dreyfuss.

If you'd like to follow along on the project, you can go to SixDegreesDVD.blogspot.com or click the Six Degrees of DVD Project link on my page at www.wapl.com

I hope you enjoy following along as much as I'm enjoying watching the movies and trying like hell to connect them all.

Why I never see the movies I want to see

I mentioned on the air today that I really wanted to see the movie Drag Me To Hell when it comes out this weekend, and that I haven't seen X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Terminator: Salvation or Star Trek yet, even though I really want to. But I did see Angels & Demons this week.

Then I got this email from listener Adam in Green Bay:
So, you chose to go to "Angels and Demons" over "Wolverine" or "Star Trek"? I think you lost some man points there. I've seen the two latter movies, and may see the former on disc. Not to sure, I was a huge fan of the book, and normally find it disappointing to watch the movies. Wolverine and Star Trek were awesome. You should really see them.

Thanks Adam. Yeah, I've lost some man points. But any guy who's married has probably had the same conversation that my wife and I had earlier this week:

Me: "Hey, let's see a movie tonight"
Her: "Sure, what's out"
Me: "What about Wolverine?"
Her: "Uh, no."
Me: "Star Trek is really supposed to be awesome."
Her: "I have no desire to see that."
Me: "Terminator Salvation?"
Her: [rolls her eyes]
Me: "How about Dance Flick?"
Her: "What??"
Me: "Just kidding. Angels and Demons?"
Her: "OK."

This is why my Netflix queue has over 200 movies in it. And why I probably won't actually see Drag Me To Hell this weekend. Oh well.

What a Stooge!

Yesterday was the anniversary of Moe Howard's death. Moe, or as I like to call him, "The Angry Stooge," was the glue that held the other stooges together. Larry's the dumb one. Curly's the crazy one. Moe's the smart one... if that can be said of any of the Stooges. Moe always had the plan... the job... the scheme. Then the other two would get out of line, and Moe would have to smack some sense into them. Of course, then it would escalate until everyone was slapping, bonking, nose-grabbing, ear-twisting, and eye-poking each other to the point that everything fell apart. Simple but brilliant, every time.

Of course, it wasn't always Moe, Larry, and Curly. We can't forget the "Lesser Stooges" including Shemp (actually the older brother of Moe and Curly, and the funniest of the Lesser Stooges), then Joe Besser, then Curly Joe DeRita. Not as brilliant as Curly... but still damn good.

Simpsons Stamps!

I'm a bit of a Simpsons fanatic. So I'm very excited that the US Postal Service is coming out with Simpsons stamps on May 7th. You can pre-order them now through the USPS web site...

My only hope is that there are future editions of the stamps with other characters... Moe, Barney, Apu, Burns & Smithers, Ralph Wiggum (his stamp wouldn't be sticky because he eats all the paste), and of course the stamp for Bart's pet elephant Stampy.

Click here for more info on the Simpsons stamps.

That's the "1st Place Chicago Cubs" to you, pal.

Ahh... Major League Baseball is under way. And my Cubbies are alone in first place (at least for a day). Nice to see the team win the first series of the season. Nice to see Soriano homer in each of the first two games. Not so nice to see Geovany Soto go down with a shoulder injury in the second game of the year. Hopefully it won't be too serious.

Should be a good Cubs / Brewers series at Miller Park this weekend. Go Cubs!

Happy Birthday, Hugh Hefner... Still My Hero

Happy 83rd birthday to Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner... and an excuse for a few pictures of Hef's past and current hot girlfriends.

The guy is well past retirement age, and still running the magazine. Plus, despite breakups with former "Girls Next Door" Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson, and Bridget Marquardt...


Hef has quickly rebounded to three new hotties, Crystal Harris, Karissa Shannon, and Kristina Shannon.

And YES, the Shannon girls are TWINS.

God bless ya Hef. Here's to many more years of living the dream.

Grateful Dead / Owsley / LSD

One of my questions for Trivia Tuesday during the Noon Lunch Whistle today was about Owsley "Bear" Stanley - sound engineer for the Dead and perhaps the most notorious cook and distributor of LSD in the 1960's.

If you want to read a fantastic book about the history of drug culture in America, including some great info about Owsley, check out "Can't Find My Way Home: America in the Great Stoned Age, 1945-2000" by Martin Torgoff. Torgoff is one of the main faces you've seen on the VH1 documentary series, "The Drug Years," and his book is fantastic.

"Guitar Hero: Metallica" Commercial

As much as I enjoy the Guitar Hero commercial with Heidi Klum dancing around in her underwear, it's nice to see Metallica kick some ass and blow s#!t up.

You All Have No Friends!

Two Songs from Chickenfoot!

Chickenfoot - the new supergroup with Sammy Hagar, Michael Anthony, Joe Satriani, and Chad Smith - just posted two songs on their web site. Check out "Soap on a Rope" and "Down the Drain."

Click here to listen for yourself!

Countdown to "Ten"

I'm dying for this Tuesday and the release of Pearl Jam's "Ten" re-issue.

Ten was one of those albums that I listened to over and over and over again, to the point that I was afraid the laser was going to burn right through my CD. That album plus the follow-up, Vs., made me a huge Pearl Jam fan. A band I played drums for in high school even covered "Alive" as part of our set list.

Now, there's the re-issue... something I usually don't get too excited over, especially if I already own the album. But PJ knows how to do it right for the fans: a remastered disc of the original album... plus a remixed version with six tracks that were never released from the original Ten sessions. That's the Legacy Edition that WAPL is giving away this weekend as part of our "Perfect Ten Weekend."

But I'm jonesing for the Deluxe Edition that also includes the DVD of the never-before-released MTV Unplugged episode that I remember watching when it first aired... still one of the best MTV Unplugged performances ever.

And if I somehow come into some extra money, I'll go for the Super Deluxe Edition which has the 2 CDs, the DVD, 4 LPs including a live Seattle performance from 1992, a cassette replica of the original PJ demo, and a replica of Eddie Vedder's old notebook from the era. Of course that one is $125 on Amazon.com right now... so I'll probably just stick with the Deluxe.

Enjoy the Perfect Ten Weekend, and be sure to hit the contest page to enter for your copy of the re-issue.

The Twits on Twitter

I don't get Twitter. (Sorry Ross Maxwell)

If you haven't heard of Twitter.com, it's just another social networking internet tool. If you've ever used FaceBook or MySpace, you're familiar with the concept - it's a one-line status update for yourself. Just a quick sentence or two to let people know what you're doing right now. It's just a tiny part of what Facebook and MySpace have to offer, but on Twitter it's the full package. Nothing but a status update.

"Elwood is on-air on WAPL."
"Elwood is blogging about Twitter."
"Elwood is drinking a Dr. Pepper."

Does anyone care? If they do, I'm worried about what kind of stalker they are and where I can get a restraining order.

And the only times I might actually be doing something interesting enough to Twitter about, I'd be too busy to actually get out my computer or cell phone to post anything.

"Elwood is skydiving."
"Elwood is wrestling a gorilla."
"Elwood is saving the world from the evil forces of the Legion of Doom."

Frankly, if you're doing anything worth telling the world about... the world can wait until you're done with it to find out. Meanwhile, just enjoy whatever you're doing rather than worrying about telling everyone that you're doing it.

Terror in the Treeline... an Amazing Zipline Experience

Went ziplining today as part of a group excursion... I'm terrified of heights, but made it through. The trip down each of the 11 zip lines was incredible. It was the climbing up through the trees and actually getting hooked up every time that was a little nerve wracking. Roxanne "Nerves Of" Steele was also along for the trip and loved it too, despite also having a fear of heights.

We capped off the zip lines with a short bike ride to a cenote, or natural fresh water pool, where we swam, dove, and did more zip lining into the water. There are pictures from the cenote in the Day 6 gallery for you to check out, and we've got a DVD of the whole group on zip lines, bikes, and swimming that I'll try to post a little of on the site once we're back in Wisconsin.

Afternoon broadcast went great today... Be sure to check out some photos in the Day 5 gallery of Roxanne acting inappropriate in Playa del Carmen last night. Plus some photos of a restaurant called Alux, that's built into an underground cave.

Eating at the Japanese restaurant at the resort tonight, then it sounds like there may be another trip to Playa del Carmen tonight... who knows what could happen this time?

Catamaran Craziness

Had loads of fun today on the catamaran cruise with the whole group. Drinking, snorkeling, watching listeners leap from the boat into the water, enjoying a couples' balloon-popping contest... loads of great stories.

Be sure to check out some of the photos from Day 4... and go to the videos page to check out video of the boat jumping and the balloon-popping winners!

Bienvenidos a Mexico!

Well, we all arrived yesterday without incident at the gorgeous Iberostar Tucan resort in the Riviera Maya in Mexico. The beach is incredible, the pool is huge, the drinks are flowing, and the weather is fantastic.

Looking forward to spending a little time on the beach this afternoon, then meeting up with all of the WAPL listeners that are along for the trip this evening during our welcome reception.

Tested all of our equipment yesterday afternoon, and everything ran smoothly. So we should be up and ready to go for our first broadcast on Monday morning with Rick and Len from 7-9am.

Tomorrow I will be on a beach... Tomorrow I will be on a beach... Tomorrow I will be on a beach

Having a rough time this week getting through everything that needs to be done before leaving for the WAPL International Incident. It's not just getting packed and prepping all of the station stuff for the broadcast, but it's putting together all the stuff that needs to run back home while I'm gone, and having everything done that's kicking off the week we get back. Plus, getting bills paid, running to the bank, making sure camera batteries are charged, memory cards are empty, iPod is properly stocked and charged, headphones are packed, DVR is set to record the proper programs while we're gone (and that there's enough memory to make sure everything gets recorded), returning phone calls, changing my outgoing voice mail at work, confirming prizes for WAPL's big spring promotion, yada yada yada...

It's enough to make someone need a vacation.

The Future of Late Night. The future Conan? That's right TV's Andy Richter... all the way to the year 2000.

Andy's Back!

I've been following the NBC late night TV shifts with some curiosity. Leno's leaving The Tonight Show, Conan's taking over the Tonight Show, and Jimmy Fallon is taking over Late Night.

Leno's final The Tonight Show is on May 29th - not soon enough for me - after which he'll be moving to a 9pm prime time slot so NBC doesn't have to come up with any original programming anymore.

Frankly I saw this as the network spitting in the eye of O'Brien. "Hey, we're giving you the Tonight Show when Leno retires." And then in a Favre-like dick move... "Whoops, Leno's not exactly retiring - so we're still going to have him on before you every night... just earlier."

As for Fallon, he's a funny and creative guy. I liked a good portion of what he used to do on SNL. I'm just hoping that he's matured enough that he'll be able to go five minutes without losing it and laughing at his own jokes. We'll find out next week when he takes over Late Night.

As for Conan, I'm really looking forward to his new time slot when he starts up June 1, much in the way I was thrilled to see Letterman move up over a decade ago. And today I saw even better news: Andy Richter will be joining Conan as announcer for the show, much in the way he used to work on Conan's Late Night and probably a little of the Ed McMahon vibe from Carson's Tonight Show. Richter is hilarious and will definitely add to the show - I'm hoping they bring back the old staring contests.

For the last few years, I've had a solid late night schedule: Daily Show at 10. Colbert at 10:30 while flipping over to Letterman. Then Craig Ferguson's monologue, followed by the rest of Conan O'Brien. Now this will make it tougher for me to decide what to watch at 10:30... I still love Dave... but Conan with Andy is a powerful duo. And will Fallon have the chops to pull me away from Ferguson's brilliantly stream-of-consciousness monologues?

I'll definitely be staying up to find out.

CHICKENFOOT? CHICKENFOOT!

Sammy Hagar's new Supergroup, "Chickenfoot," just released a new promotional clip... check it out.



The group is Hagar on guitar & vocals, ex-Van Halen bassist Michael Anthony, Red Hot Chili Peppers' drummer Chad Smith, and guitarist Joe Satriani. A new album is almost done and should be out this summer...

Get more on the story here...

Where's my paint thinner?

God bless the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. And God bless the internet that allows me to check out the pictures without having to subscribe to the magazine (especially since they don't give you that cool football phone with your subscription anymore).

This is Julie Henderson. And she's naked. Completely, utterly naked. Yet, here I am, able to not only look at her nude picture for free... but able to post it for you on WAPL.com. Why? Because there's some paint over her nipples.

Which leads me to wonder... why are women's nipples taboo? It doesn't make any sense. Women's nipples are exactly the same as men's nipples... and we can show those off in public all the time. Advertising, TV and movies, on the beach, at Lambeau Field, wandering around in public, men can have our shirts off any time we want (although the lack of shirt or shoes may mean we are denied service at some stores and restaurants.)

Women on the other hand can't show their nipples. I'd maybe understand if it was the entire breast, but for some reason it's just the female nipple that some people find offensive. J-Lo with cleavage down to her belly button? No problem as long as the double-sided tape keeps the nipple covered. Breast augmentation surgery shown on E!'s Dr. 90210? It's ok as long as the nipples are blurred out. Madonna, Britney, and the rest want to wear next to nothing in every music video and on every tour? Fine... but when Janet Jackon's nipple appears for 2 seconds the world goes berzerk.

So my question is, if the rest of the breast is ok, why can't we free the nipple? I think it would make the world a better place.

Why I don't have a pet chimp...

Having dogs and cats is ok. Fish. Lizards. Hamsters. Fine. Chimpanzees? Unless you're Michael Jackson or you want to end up like this woman's friend... I'll stay away.

Get the full story here from CNN...

New Pearl Jam Tracks!

Check out six songs from the upcoming reissue of Pearl Jam's debut album, "Ten."

They include the new track "Brother" that you can hear on WAPL, plus a couple of live performances including two from their MTV Unplugged episode, and the re-mixed version of "Once."

Click here for the songs and more info on the re-release.

At Work Time Waster: Golf Pro Challenge

Here's another one that's been eating up the hours here at the office. Golf. Since winter will never end and it'll be a few months before we can get out to the golf course, why not try this golf challenge game? There are three 10-hole games to play: Longest Drive, Closest to the Pin, and Putting Challenge. Plus, as you play you get points to purchase better clubs, mulligans, etc.

Click here to start wasting time...

This is also available as an App in Facebook, so you can challenge your friends!

At Work Time Waster: VH Asteroids!

Someone has created a Van Halen (Diamond Dave Editon) version of the old Asteroids video game. It's pretty impressive.

Careful - some of the language on the site (and the web domain itself) may not be safe for work.

Click here to waste time...

Kittens!

Videos like this one make me wonder...

If this was my kid would I be happy at their imagination? Or would I still be a little disturbed at where her mind goes when looking at some of the pictures?

"We're eating pepper and chips."
"I'm her mommy." "No she's not..."



This is the problem with YouTube (and also what makes it so great). You put something up that's probably just to share with a few family members, and it ends up being a subject of ridicule for people all around the world.

A-Rod on Roids.

Is anyone genuinely shocked by this? Another big-hitting, superstar baseball player was on steroids. [Get ready for the sarcasm...] Wow, I'm flabbergasted.

Of course, while it doesn't surprise me at all, it does piss me off. A-Rod can sit there and talk about the incredible pressure he was under to perform, but that doesn't make it right. If I was under incredible pressure to pay my mortgage and feed my family, so I cut corners by robbing a bank or embezzling funds from where I work... they'd throw me in jail. And they'd be right to do so, because I would have broken the law.

So A-Rod admits he did something wrong, but that's it. People call him brave for stepping forward. B.S. I don't see him volunteering to be removed from consideration from the MLB Hall of Fame. I don't see him leaving baseball. I don't see him offering a refund to all the kids who bought his jersey. I don't see him returning the $22 Million he was making every year he admitted to taking steroids. I don't see him scaling back his current $275 Million contract.

No punishments are handed down, no real responsibility is taken, and everyone says, "Oh well. What are you going to do? I guess this is just a part of the game now."

Steroids are listed as a Schedule III drug under the Controlled Substances Act in the United States, and possession without a prescription can carry a penalty of up to three years in prison. I'm not saying we should throw half of MLB players in jail. But I'm sick of nothing happening at all. So here are a couple of ideas that I think might help curb the use of steroids in professional sports.

1. Constant testing by a third party. Don't let individual teams or even MLB police itself. They have a vested interest in making sure their superstars remain superstars, the game appears to be pure, and the fans keep filling seats and buying merchandise. Instead, you need an independent third party firm, not paid by MLB, to perform regular drug and steroid tests of all players.

2. Much larger penalties for players. Right now a player has to get caught four times before receiving a 1-year suspension. Isn't this baseball? Can't we get a three strikes and you're out rule? Nowhere in the rules will these guys get permanently banned from the game. Also, right now the first offense get you a 10-day suspension without pay. In a 162-game season that's about 6% of your annual salary. And sure $1.7 million might be a lot of money... but on A-Rod's $28M a year contract, it only means you might not be able to buy that fourth beach house you were looking at. How about putting a real dent in these massive salaries? Positive steroid test means you forfeit 25% of your contract for the year.

3. Penalize the teams! There are two reasons I don't drop F-bombs on the air, and both are the FCC. First off, I would receive a huge personal fine, and frankly I don't have the money to pay it. But what if I did? Maybe if I was as rich as Howard Stern (or Alex Rodriguez) and had the money, I wouldn't mind paying the fines in exchange for the freedom to swear over the airwaves. But this is where the FCC comes back into play - they would also drop a huge fine on WAPL. And while our company might have the money to pay a big fine... they frankly don't want to. It would get hard to explain to the rest of the staff that our facilites, equipment, benefits, and co-workers had to go away because Elwood wanted to say the F-word. So instead I'd be fired. And I'd find it very difficult to get another job in radio, because other companies don't want to hire a guy that is going to cost them a ton of money in FCC fines.

So, let MLB punish teams when their players are discovered in violation of league rules. Teams are businesses and they would definitely be better at self-policing behavior if they're going to lose revenue as a result of some jackass on the roster breaking rules. Teams would also have better judgement about signing players with a history of steroid use, for fear of future penalties.

Now these are definitely not the only solutions, but as far as I can see they'd be a good start to help bring back some respect to a game that doesn't seem to be doing much to improve its image ni the eyes of fans.

Theme Thursday: Woman Songs

Last week was all about "Man" songs, so this week we're dedicating an hour to the ladies... all songs with Woman, Girl, etc. in the title.

Queensryche - Jet City Woman
Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers - American Girl
Styx - Suite Madame Blue
Jimi Hendrix Experience - Foxey Lady
The Doors - L.A. Woman
The Cult - Fire Woman
The Guess Who - American Woman
AC/DC - Girls Got Rhythm
The Rolling Stones - Honky Tonk Women
Motley Crue - Girls, Girls, Girls
Van Halen - Beautiful Girls

I've got better ads than the Super Bowl.

Maybe I'm looking back on the past with rose-colored glasses. Maybe I'm forgetting all the crappy ads that ran in past years. But didn't we get much better Super Bowl ads in the old days? Iconic ads like the Apple/MacIntosh "1984" ad, Mean Joe Green tossing the kid his jersey in exchange for a Coke, or the ad that launched Pepsi's new look/logo with Cindy Crawford? These were all iconic ads that often launched a company's entire ad campaign for the next year or longer. Even the Budweiser Frogs and the "Wassup!" guys - as annoying as they became - were fantastic ads when they launched.

But this year, as it's been for the last few years, I'm disappointed. A bunch of moderately entertaining ads. Some boring. One or two flashes of brilliance (check out the Career Builder ad for that). Actually you can check out all of the Super Bowl XLIII ads below and be disappointed for yourself.


But to give you something that's even worse than this year's lame crop Super Bowl ads, I've got a few of my favorite all-time local TV ads to share with you...

This Is It Furniture
These are some of the worst commercials ever. And I've loved them ever since I first saw them in college. They've been running these ads in Champaign, Illinois for at least a decade, and it's kinda depressing to have seen this guy drag his kids into the commercials to act as over the top as he does. He always shouts "Downer! Downer! Downer!" and you always get a free onion. Seriously - they have free onions for customers at the store. Don't ask me why.


Eagle Man Insurance
This is a great Chicagoland treasure from 1993. Possibly the worst commercial of all time - not just for the awful acting. Not just for the terrible 80's mall-hair on the girls. Not just for the guy in an eagle costume who looks like he's going to take a dump on the roof of the car. Somehow the sum of the ad is even more horrendous than its hilariously miserable parts.

More Bad Local Ads
If you enjoyed those, be sure to check out this guy's list of the 50 Greatest Local TV Commercials. Some truly great crap.

Europe Has It Right
I'll leave you by changing gears from bad ads to one good one. This commercial would never fly in the states, but it might just be one of the funniest and most effective messages you could come up with for the product.

Theme Thursday: Man Songs

Super Bowl Weekend is right around the corner, so to get us in that testosterone-fueled mood, today's Noon Lunch Whistle for Theme Thursday was all Man Songs... that would be songs with "man" in the title. Here's what you requested:

Van Halen - Ice Cream Man
Styx - Blue Collar Man
Alice In Chains - Man in the Box
Rush - Working Man
Rainbow - Man on the Silver Mountain
Soundgarden - Spoonman
Heart - Magic Man
Metallica - Enter Sandman
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man