Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Fun Phallus Facts

Men's Health magazine offers a list of 15 facts you didn't know about your unit. Here are several of them .... including my comments in italics.

1. Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimeter. Erections are all about good bloodflow, and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So even if you don't care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the little guy.

-- Another reason to be thankful for Wisconsin's statewide smoking ban!

2. Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters, which would be enough to tarp every Major League infield with human flesh.

-- So disturbing. Not the idea of having burned skin replaced with foreskin... the thought of seeing the grounds crew unroll a huge tarp of foreskin every time it rains at Wrigley Field.

3. The average male orgasm lasts six seconds. Women get 23 seconds. (Which means if women were really interested in equality, they'd make sure guys had four orgasms for every one of theirs.)

-- Of course, a lot of women would be happy to get one orgasm for every four that a guy has, so I suppose that evens things out.

4. Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure.

-- I am not that one man.

5. There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn't get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).

-- I was in the pool! There was shrinkage! It's a grower!!

6. An international Men's Health survey reports that 79 percent of men have growers, 21 percent have showers.

-- So the statistics are in your favor when you tell her that it gets bigger than this... really, it does.

7. German researchers say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes, 50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes, 30 seconds.

-- So it feels longer than it is? Bonus!

8. Better-looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers showed women photos of guys who had good, average, and lousy sperm-and told them to pick the handsomest men. The women chose the best sperm producers most often.

-- Ladies - that means ugly guys are less likely to get you pregnant! Remember that next time we awkwardly hit on you at a bar.


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